Grieving a loved one is a journey that has no expiration date, no rules and no “normal” way of navigating it. In the beginning, for quite some time, the loss is all consuming. No words can accurately describe these feelings – for grief hits you in your very soul, it shatters your very being.
The overwhelming beginning
We are weighed down by shock, sadness , memories that hit you in your heart and smart in your eyes. You obsess over the responsibility of honouring them in just the right way. As if doing this “properly” will bring some comfort and help you say goodbye. The truth is, that we never really say goodbye, as our loved ones live in our hearts and memories until we meet again. And thank goodness for this, as saying goodbye to their physical presence is hard enough, and life long.
The missing hits you not only at first, but with every birthday, every anniversary, every milestone, every time you reach for the phone to call them. If your belief is that we live on, as is mine – there is a reaching for signs from them, a reaching for contact with their spirit, for that comfort that they have arrived and they are “ok”. You may go for a mediumship reading with a spirit medium. If you are able to sense their presence, or receive a message from them, this can help a long way to feeling comforted they are still with you, just in a new way.
Healing and reconciling the relationship
There is also the not much spoken of process of reviewing your relationship with them, all the positives and the negatives of who they were to you, and you to them. The gratitude for how they were and what they gave you, how they enriched your life. And processing any anger and things left unsaid or unresolved, forgiving them and yourself. Letting go of things you’ve held onto. All this while feeling the strongest emotions that cloud every waking moment, and attempting to be somewhat of a functioning human. It is all consuming.
You don’t just lose your way, you lose yourself too. It can be like being lost in the forest with out a compass, yet with an acute sense of every second that passes without them. Where you not only need to find your way to some kind of path, but also re-find yourself. The new you, who lives their life with a loved one sized hole in it. There is no best, or right way of moving through this time towards healing. There is only YOUR way.
The cloud lifts – and the ninja lies in wait
As time moves on, and you’ve experienced the year of “firsts” without them, the cloud begins to lift a little and the feelings are less intense. This is where ninja grief can hit. The grief that gets you all teary for “seemingly” no reason… why am I so emotional the last few weeks? Why do I feel so sad? Where’s my motivation? You wonder what is wrong with you, and then you realise – there is an important date or milestone coming up they would have celebrated with you, or an achievement you just made that they would’ve been proud of, or its coming up to the anniversary of their passing. Even a time of year you would have spent with each other, or a special memory.
It's so interesting how our soul and body has this memory that is outside our conscious existence. The surprise doesn’t end there, as you may be hit by a confusion of feelings – such as “how could I forget”, “but I should be over this by now”, or feeling shocked or guilty for them not being in your every waking thought anymore, to whatever degree, and realising you have somewhat begun to live again.
Sensing your loved one coming close
Perhaps it’s more than memory of our soul and body. This can also be the beginnings of us sensing when our spirit people are close. Our loved ones will come closer to us at these times, trying to make themselves known, and we recognise this on a heart and soul level. Even if we miss the signs they are sending. So often in readings, the loved one comes forward and shares its their birthday coming up, or some other anniversary or special occasion, they even share excitement and send congratulations for achievements gained, or knowledge of things happening in the recipients life. They love to talk about the signs they are sending, the dreams they have influenced, and be acknowledged!
They are with us more than we know, following our journeys, sending us their love. Our silent cheerleaders, who we can feel in our souls, only a breath away.
Your relationship lives on – in a new way
It's important to allow grief to take a lifetime to be with you, in all its different forms. Knowing that it is a by-product of great love. Take solace in the fact that the love you share with them, lives on. Your relationship lives on.
You don’t have a time limit on your sadness or missing. It becomes a part of you, the new you that includes their memory, their spirit – your new relationship with them in their spirit form. They say grief is love with nowhere to go. But it does go somewhere.
Know that your grief, that is love - is shared with the spirit world. Your loved ones feel it and hear you. Send your thoughts and your heart out. Acknowledge your loved one as they walk with you, in a new way.
The gift of life from death
There is a gift of creation in all this, from the breaking down of self, there is a re-building that brings a new sense of LIFE to it. In realising our own mortality, and the fragility of life, we examine our own life and what we want to experience in, and give to this world. As a medium, allowing people the opportunity to connect with their loved ones and know that we don’t die, opens up a new element of purpose for us.
The gift of connecting to your loved one, and having knowledge they live on in spirit form, opens up the possibilities that we are here for a reason, we are here to grow and evolve. We aren’t here to stay small and do what we “should” or live up to others expectations. We are here to evolve, to be trailblazers, to express our own unique individuality. We don’t remember our loved ones for their “sameness”, we remember all the special and different things about them. How they showed up in the world, and impacted people in their own way.
If you are grieving right now - be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to grieve your way. Send your thoughts out to your loved ones, as they DO hear you, and they want to make their presence, love and continued existence known.